Let me help you understand.

I have this small small school girl crush on someone, well at least I thought I did. I mean he is nice, kind of strange but I mean it works. He makes me laugh, so major POINTS for that. I am completely aware that nothing is perfect but this dude just made me sooo mad. So I need to help him understand. I am not something you are used to so please check your self and come at me correctly. Step it up. When I say step up I mean every aspect of your existence. It seems like your used to little girls trailing behind you and cheering you on. Let me help you understand that I am far from a cheerleader and currently could careless about your capable of. Man, your so confused but it's cool you will soon find out what you go yourself into. Now that I have blogged about it I am not mad anymore. Lol. All smiles.

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30 going on 15

Think back! "Go Away". Oh boy I mean it more than ever right now. This heifer is like a road block on my whole entire life and I need a bulldozer. I tried to be cool about it because our beef is so very old but she wanted bring it back up. But in a whole new kind of way. I am not going to get into the particulars or play the name game. Know that she is wrong just like she was last year. She thought wrong and then acted wrong but I definitely told her off in the RIGHT way. She is going on thirty and acting like she is 15. She wants him because he wants me. Lol. True story no exaggeration, it what it is. HA! Even if he did not want me what makes you think he wants you? The last one wanted me too! And I heard how you didn't even want him until he said something about me. LAME! Ha! You are so silly for that one! How about I keep the one from last year and throw this new on in front of your face too. Well, I actually would not do that because it looks bad on my part. I just need to know that you are sssooo very lame for that. Step it up honey. I will embarass you again. Let go of the past and the anger and grow up. No hard feelings just thought I would let you know that I am fully aware of your stupid actions and comments.

Stephanie Documentation 5

Just waking up but still in the same place. I have homework, I need to get dressed because I have Sunday dinner at my uncles. I cannot get up. I want to but I can't. UGH!

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Stephanie Documentation 4

Stephanie did not say sorry. Stephanie felt very uncomfortable in her own skin. That is not normal My mind is over it but my actions do not act like it. It is early there will probably be one more entry today.

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Untitled

Well. I do not know what to say. I don't know what I want to do. Right now I don't even know who I am. I thought I was outspoken and confident but now I see myself cowering in a corner.Is this blog good for me? Is it good for others? When are you not supposed to let people know how you feel? Should keeping the peace always be priority. I used to know all of those answers. Well maybe I didn't. Maybe I didn't care.

Hate when I am wrong. Especially about people. Always invest my time into the wrong people. That sucks. Wish someone would prove me wrong!

Lately I have been getting irritated very easily. Like more than normal! It sucks.

Why do I do things when they are wrong. Doesn't that make it worse. I need to work on myself.

Listening to sooner than later...Drake. Do me a favor...If I pull it together. Everybody got the same story huh? Makes me think. How many chances are too many.

next, A Night Off. Makes me smile.

I apologize for the pointless randomness of this blog. I just keep typing trying to figure out what is wrong with me.

Is it bad when you want the attention. Just you and no one else? Then put those others down. Is that a hater. I hope not. I don't do it intentionally. I am very aware that there are alot of people that are better than me in many different ways. Maybe I just do not want to accept it. I am sorry.

Am I as happy as I make it seem? I am blessed and appreciate that but it feels like something is missing. Or maybe I am thinking to much.

I wonder what I need. This void in my life is beginning to be painful.

I'm over it.

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Stephanie Documentation 3

Don't you hate when you have to start a story with "OMG Last night". I do. So here we go.
OMG last night. I have to stop. End of Story. Oh and I know way to much information and some of that got out last night. Oops. This day should be interesting. How many times can Stephanie say sorry in on day. I will let you guys now.

Stephanie Documentation 2

I love when I truly know that I am over people. When they continue to show there hideous colors. Goodbye. You no longer matter. Also congratulations you have made into the second entry of the Stephanie Documentation. This is the highlight of your whole entire existence.

Glad to say they are mine

This blog has been inspired by a recent conversation I have had. Let me know if you can figure it out, a bit of mystery involved.

With you it is your generosity. I am surprised that you are so generous especially being an only child. I appreciate that all your intentions are always good. In no way have you ever been malicious. I am happy to see you stand up for your self more and more each day. I love the respect that you hold for yourself. I see you doing great things in life. Success is definite for you. The label hoe factor we have in common is amazing!:)

Secretly you are my favorite. Your intelligence is what I appreciate most about you. I value your opinions more than anybody elses. Your company is constantly needed and I wish you could be around all the time. You presence makes things come alive. Not everyone can do that. People rarely have bad things to say about you. I never do for the record. I trust you more than anyone and I love your none judgmental conversations about my life and choices. With the passion behind your chosen field you will also be successful. Oh btw....flyest male I know! :)

Sometimes I wish that we could go back to highschool. Things were so much better for us back then. Happy go lucky is what I think of you. What I envy most about is your resilence, I wish I had it like you do. What I love most is how open your heart is. Your so open, your so accepting and so positive. You can easily brighten up any ones day. I honeslty think that you are the most mature friend I have, I say that because you give chances and oppurtunities for people in your life. Not in a naive since though. I don't know it is kind of hard to explain.

It has been the longest for us. WOW. Now that I think about it, it makes me smile. Regardless of the past and MY WRONGS I am proud of you and us. Thanks for putting up with me and accepting my apologies. I don't even think you can fully comprehend how important you are and not just to me but involving everything. I love that you can live and let go. I respect some aspects of your care free attitude because sometimes people really should not care. My favorite thing about you is that you are ALWAYS A GREAT TIME! Regardless of whoever and whatever you are going to have a good time.

I love you all and I am happy to say that you are mine. My friends! :)

Stephanie Documentation 1

I am like a difficult puzzle that can never be finished, just when you think you have me figured out you get confused all over again. I stared smiling at 2:00 and did not stop until I left class. Lets see where this goes. Hopefully far.

I forgot to mention

Remember when I said I was in love with a stranger. It was just a few blogs ago. Well yea...not so much. I have fallen out of love and left him in the past. Goodbye stranger it was nice not knowing you. I have moved and I wish you the best. Maybe one day when I learn your name we can be friends. In the words of James Blunt "goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend".

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Excuse My Language!!

I am not proud of how I am about to speak. I have approached all my blogs with the utmost respect and tried to explain my feelings to the best of my ability. This one is not like the others, I guess I named it ReadwithCAUTION for a reason.

This simple bitch ass dude had the nerve to lie on me. YES ON ME! Oh had to be delirious or having a real sweet dream like Beyonce' said. Honey NO not never have you ever had the pleasure of residing in this similar to the motha fuckin niagra shit. No bitch you were never drenched in my lovely (lol). No NOT EVER. Never will you ever have the pleasure. Not even if it was your last wish on your death bed. Please know that your girlfriend will be informed of this, I am sure she will not like that at all. Oh and your teammates already know and they definatley look at you differently. You never had a chance with me. You knew that and thats why you lied. I heard you gave alot details. Oh boy you had to be fantasizing about me. Heard the story lasted a good ten minutes. DAMN. I'm even that great when it aint true. I must be real close to something like a bad bitch for you to lie on me. KEEP TALKIN WITH YO DUSTY BUSTED ASS! MAKE ME FAMOUS CUNT. MAKE ME FUCKIN FAMOUS. I swear I'm top notch, I mean I gotta be in your eyes atleast. Let me stop because I think I am starting to feel myself!

kisses!

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Friends worth fighting for

It really warms my heart that I am cared about. It makes me more than happy. Well you all remember the infamous blog entitled I'm not your other friend. Boy did that get some publicity. Well blogger all is well with the friend that was up for discussion in that blog. I got about 3 voice mails of her snapping and that is how I know she cares. She called me out on my bull and brought the situation up for discussion which I should have done a long time ago. Her feeling were hurt by my blog and I never meant for that to happen. I did not intend on being malicious at all. I just want to say that I love you and I honestly believe that I am blessed to have a friend like you. Mistakes are supposed to be made and also forgiven. I forgave you and I thank you for forgiving me. You are a beautiful person inside out and do not change for anybody. From your generosity to your big heart you are an amazing person to be around. When you told me you respected me it meant the world to me. Your sincerity truly touched me. I hope you know your great! Know that you deserves the best and you should not settle. They say time is of the essence and when I spend my time with you it never goes unappreciated. Your great friend. Through the good and bad. Flaws and all we gonna be ok!

Go Away!

Why is that when we think we are done with people that they always come back. I do not understand! Why can't they just go away! It made my stomach turn a little bit when I seen it. The being that is her, the essence of lies, and the stench that is her presence truly upsets me. It is not necessarily anger it is closer to frustration and lack of patience. You graduated why are you on campus? Why are you hanging out with people on campus? I do not get it. UGH! I just have this feeling that this year is going to be just like last year. Tricks having attitudes over dudes they never really had. Why are you coming back if you are so miserable? What it boils down to is her being sick. She just is not there. In the head.

Whatever I'm pissed. I cannot even blog about. I wish she would just go away.

Do not feel special!

Well well well! School is about to start and it is hot outside. In more ways than one I might add. Temperatures are rising and so are some egos. Let me be the first to let all these overly excited freshman and their friends that the looks they are receiving from certain THIRSTY upperclassmen need not be responded too. If they only knew. Well I will be the one to tell them. First off not none of yall are thee sh*t as you think. Please don't take this like I am hating cause I really do not know how to do that. Second of all if you think he wants to hear what you have to say or what your thinking your so off. It was the way you were switching in your tight jeans with your back turned towards that caught his attention. And that is where his attention will remain. Oh little ones listen to what I tell you or will have the mark. It is something like the mark of the beast but much much worst. It has to do with thirst level and people out here are acting dehydrated. Third do not feel special! The looks and smiles mean nothing! Oh and when you start recieving those texts they really do not mean anything. Someone like me can see right through it but silly girls fall for that mess. I can match every text you get honey. And it is my gurantee he (they) will not work half as hard as they did for me. TOOT TOOT! Yea that was the sound of my horn I guess I am kind of feeling myself right now. LOl. I love it. I freaking love it. Take my advice and never feel special when it come to this. That will be your first mistake.

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Last Night's Revenge!

Revenge is a beautiful thing in every way, shape and form. When its spiteful. When it's funny and even when it's sad. You might think I am wrong for saying this but I will always be honest with you. I have this friend named Rob and the other day he lied to me. When I say friend I literally mean friend nothing more. I just want to clarify because you know how people think. Well he decided to lie about someones whereabouts when I had already spoken to the person he was lying for or about. Last night I was able to get him back and it was in the funniest way. It was around midnight and I took the keys from his roommate and went into his room with my friend. Now Rob lives with two boys and lets just say there are a few rumors about him that hint around him being a tambourine player. If you know what I mean. Well we both sit on his bed and he scoots over to make room. Weird? You decide for yourself! We then begin to slowly and softly stroke his back. He then begins to grumble. Does not wake up and does not move just groans. I then lift up his shirt and rub his back and still he does not wake up. My friend begins to rub his back and now he is moaning! MOANING! I am talking full on bow wow chika wow wow porn star moaning. Moving is head making himself more and more comfortable. Now just keep this in mind. It is after midnight the door is locked and when he went to sleep he was by himself. When two people sit on his bed he does not jump up he moans and groans. LOL! I took it upon myself to inform members of the soccer team which he is apart of! Today will be a good day! Remember do not ever lie to me. This was only his first offense next time it will be even worse!

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I am in love.

I have only been here for three days and I am already in love. OK! L-O L-O L-O V-E, as Ashlee Simpson says. I made my way from my room to the gym and there he was. In all his beauty just looking like he needed me in his life! I usually see myself leaning towards the darker, you know like Tyrese but this man is more of a Chris Brown. And I am ok with that. Now I don't know his name but I will soon find out. I am in love! So very in love with this stranger!

First Impressions

Are first impressions really everything? Are they really that important? I think they are, you never forget what you think the first time you meet or see someone. The thing is do you give the person a chance to improve your thoughts of them if your first encounter is horrible. Or do you just leave things be because you know you are never going to forget that horrendous first impression.

It is just to bad for the character I met last night his chances are so very slim. So slim that in actuality they do not exist. Can I change my tone?..Thank you.This fool walk in my room beyond drunk without introducing himself and make his self comfortable. He came with two of my friends from last year but that does not make it right. Being me...."Excuse you, who are you?"...He slurs a few apologies and then tells me his name which at this point I do not even care. I want him gone. I oblige his presence for a few minutes more because I enjoyed laughing at my two friends who were also drunk. Later he begins to comment on my looks and what he can do for me. Well to me I should say. Think about it...jaw drop...yeah! I look at him eyes wide open mouth tightly gripped look at one of my friends he quickly changes the subject. That was strike two and I guess we can Jamie Foxx it. (Blame It) I now have an attitude and want him to do something else so I can snap. The only thing he does is stand up so I tell him to sit down or leave. My friends finally notice that I am completely over the situation and they have over stayed their welcome. My friend apologizes for his associates behavior and they were on there way.

Does he deserve another chance?!?!?!

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I want to be.

I want to be the friend that always listens. The friend who has the best advice. The friend who always knows what to do. I want to be the woman who is respected. I want to be the woman who is loved. I want to be the person that always makes you laugh. I want to be the person who is known for being extremely honest. I want to be the one remembered in a positive way. I am going to be the person who is going to be successful. I am the person I need to be right now. I will grow. I will change. I will be the same and I will remain. When you subtract adding comes next. Take away the bad and be filled with greatness. I want to be me and I want you to love that. Perfection is not attainable so look at my flaws in the most optimistic of ways. Look beyond, look deep find the greatest aspect and focus. I promise I will do the same. I want to be Stephanie. I am what I am...for right now that is. Do you accept it?

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Don't use me!

Well I am finally where I wanted to be. My excitement has settled but I am far from disappointed. My room is more than what I expected and I have everything I need. I am so grateful for that and beyond happy. The feelings of confusion I have are for the people that I am surrounded by. Friends from last year and new and old people surprising me with their actions. Being visited by people is nice, respect from people who I haven't had the best relationship with is inspiring and when the person you care about the most is acting so out of character is upsetting. You know how things are worse when they happen so suddenly and you do not really expect them. Well this one hit me like a ton of bricks and I don't think I deserve it.

Why is that females always put the current boy that is in there life ahead of the femals that have to listen about them complain all the time. The same boy you go running to see was the same boy that had you crying at 2 A.M. You remember right? When you called me and woke me up! I do not like being used as an excuse. Do not have an alterior motive when you say your coming to see me. Be real up front. Go head and be in his face, if your in love thats great but do not use me.

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Im so special!

I have been in my new dorm for about two hours now and I have managed to lock myself out of my room. CLAP, CLAP! Thank you very much. It is actually pretty hilarious to me that I did this but I feel so dumb. But you do need to laugh at yourself sometimes and boy am I laughing. I am literally sitting in the hall and typing this blog while Skyping with my friend Kiara. I might add that I am impatiently waiting for security to come and let me in. My livelihood is in that room. My phone and my Chanel wallet! OH! Wait! HE IS HERE! PAUSE!......Saved! It feels good to be back! I have just learned that when you turn the handle up it locks automatically. Hmmmm. Good to know. Well thanks blogger for helping the time go by! Talk to you soon!

Need a Laugh

I am kind of irritated right now so I need a laugh.




hahahahaa

Love is Hate

I was with a friend the other day and she told me she hated someone. A friend of another friend. Someone that we never really have dealt with. You know how that goes. Well anyways she said she hated her and I said no you don't. You just don't like that she acts like that. She stated again that she HATES this girl. Strong on her beliefs that were on a very weak foundation. I said to her that you can't hate something that you never have loved. You can only hate something as much as you have loved it in the past. Do you believe this? I do! Let me explain. To hate something you must understand it. If you don't understand it than you are ignorant to the real reason as to why you think you hate. The highest level of understanding and/or accepting something is love. To love, you have the highest regard for something and understand it or them on many different levels. When something or someone changes from this or hurts you, you then hate everything that you once loved. Everything that you once understood has no gone array. Your feelings of confusion, sense of being lost and the aggravation of change then evolve to hate. That is after you have loved.

I want to go to Tennessee

I have wanted to leave Ohio for about 64 days now and my destination has always been Indiana because that is where I go to school. With the date rapidly approaching for me to leave I find myself excited but not as excited as I thought I would be. And you want to know why? Because I want to go to Tennessee. A dear friend of mine goes there and I miss him ssooo much. And he has not even been gone that long. I WANT TO GO TO TENNESSEE!! NOT NOW BUT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!